Life is...meaningful

Buckingham Fountain Walkway
Originally uploaded by Khonsus

Seriously it is. I know it is. I know this, yet I still have moments in time where I wonder, where I think about what kind of life I actually lead. Sometimes I feel like my life is...mundane, not exciting...
Sometimes I wonder if there's more, so much more to life then spending hours on a computer reading through e-mails and blogs. I look at my life sometimes and see that it's extremely uneventful, but seriously? Truly that is a big lie, a huge lie and why is that? Because of my job, because of my life and my adventures (or misadventures?)

I sometimes will ask if my life should be more exciting, more lively, more... I don't know eventful. Most people who know me, know what I do for a living will tell me to hush because what I do on a daily basis is so very important that my life is anything but meaningless.

They'll tell me the job I do, the things I do are very important. What do I do exactly? I work with troubled teens. I work with kids who have been diagnosed with disorders such as ADHD and ODD. I work with kids who have emotional issues, kids who have problems with their parents, kids who run the streets. I work with those kids that the criminal justice system or children and youth decide need placed somewhere.

So really my life is far from meaningless...so why do I get into these moods where I feel like my life is boring? Why do I get in those moods where I ask myself just what the hell my life really is about? I don't know why it happens, but it does. It's just...

I don't know. All I do know is I just spent the better part of an hour trying to analyze and examine why it is I feel this way sometimes and it was so disruptive to my sleep/rest that I just had to log on and...ramble about it.

So now that I have I believe my headache has receded, but still I have those damned doubts that creep in. Those doubts I can't explain away, and I wonder why it is I have them. Why do I sometimes feel as if my life is...extremely boring? Why do I wonder if I'm living life or just...spending it all online or sitting around debating it all the time.

I guess it's a phase of life that creeps up every now and again. I wish I could explain why it happens, but all I really can do is try to talk through it or get through it until my morose mood passes.

Now for the picture...why did I choose this particular one? Because it can be looked at as sort of a path, a direction...I can stop where I did to take the photo and remain forever rooted to that spot, not continue on, not turn back...or I can get myself out of this aggravating mood and move onwards. What's beyond those sparkly bricks? In reality a museum, an aquarium, a planetarium and a beautiful view of Lake Michigan, so metaphorically do I remain where I shot that photograph and look around content to remain in that exact spot? Or do I pull myself out of that mood that seems to be stalling me?

I think there's a whole hell of a lot more that needs to be accomplished, a whole hell of a lot more beyond those pretty sparkling bricks, and I think it's time for me to haul my ass out of that damned spot and move onward already! :)

I do like this picture, took it randomly. It was unplanned, and I like it...
Funny how at the time I took it I merely wanted to capture the pretty sparkle to the bricks laid out before me. Never did I expect it to be a metaphor that would help pull my mind out of a morose mood and get back on track already!

In the words of a man I've come to admire: Life's that way.