Closing the Door

As I mentioned in the previous post this scrapbook started out as a basic idea, a thought, a way to display ALL of my convention pictures so that they could all be seen. When I started it I wasn't sure what would come of it and soon the scrapbook became a way to close the door on a friendship that ended abruptly. I decided to scrap the different trips her and I took together and that led naturally into scrapping all the conventions we attended together.

As I mentioned before I didn't really go to conventions (well other than one X Files convention) until her and I started traveling to them together. Now I travel either alone or with my best friend to conventions.

This scrapbook was my closure for a broken friendship. If you look at the two pages above you'll notice that the very first picture is blurry and out of focus. We're also both smiling in it and how ironic I'm wearing a Xena shirt seeing as those are the only sci fi cons her and I attended together. I chose that first picture because it's out of focus. I felt it accurately represented the fading friendship we now had. We had been friends until a bad trip to New York in 2003. The first picture shows an image of our very first convention together and is blurry, which in my mind kind of represented the way things were. Under it I put that quote because with her I did laugh often and much and so did she, so I felt it appropriate.

The very next picture is a close up of her and I together. This ironically was one of the last pictures to be taken of us, and I selected it because it sort of embodies the way our friendship was I suppose. We were good friends and had a blast at the conventions and I just felt that pic appropriate.

The next page has the photo that's half blurry and dark. It's a picture of us posing with some friends we hung out with at every convention. Again the selection of that photo was totally and completely planned. It kind of shows the finality of our friendship. It was fun while it lasted but even then was fading into nothingness to be forgotten and filed away with all other memories from the past.

The last picture is one of my favorites of Angie. She's posing with Hudson Leick one of the actresses that her and I absolutely loved going to conventions to see. We had a lot of memories that involved Hudson and us going to see her and meet her after she got off stage. They were all good memories and I just loved that photo so I felt it appropriate to use.

If you notice to the side of that last picture is a an envelope tucked away. The envelope in fact contains a letter I wrote to Angie but she never saw it. This is my official closure letter telling her what I learned from her, telling her how I felt about the abrupt way she dismissed our lengthy friendship and wishing her the best of luck in the future. I don't really recall everything that's written in that letter, but I felt it an appropriate way to say goodbye.

The words on the page talk of how some people enter our lives for a purpose, some we recall, some we forget, some we'll always remember and she was one of those such people. It's kind of a finality on my part to her, the way to officially close the door and move onward with my life.

There is more to this scrapbook that I intend to post, but it will take some time. The first half of the scrapbook is the trips her and I took together, the second half? All the conventions we attended. The final page contains that quote about people coming into our lives for a purpose and serves as the final page for the entire album.

Overall I'm very pleased with how this scrapbook turned out and find myself looking at it more than I had ever expected. Scrapbooking, though I don't do it a lot, has become a sort of healing journey for me, a way to display images and voice thoughts, opinions etc on issues that have affected my life. I haven't done much scrapbooking lately but have several in progress. Each one is unique and contains personal aspects of my life. I find it enjoyable and relaxing to work on them though they do take a long time to complete. Still in the end I'm very happy I dared to take that wee step into scrapping and dove head first into trying something brand new.

Scrapbooking as a means to provide closure

So as I mentioned in the previous post my first scrapbook began a little oddly. I had no idea where I wanted to go with it or what I wanted to do with it. All I knew is that I had this sudden urge, or need, to just get right into it so without hesitation I picked up some supplies and started. The first page turned out to be titled "Life Lessons" and an idea formed in my head for where to take the journal after that. I had decided to use the scrapbook as a sort of final chapter in a friendship that had been lengthy but ended so abruptly it surprised and shocked me.

I had been friends with this girl for some time. It was with her I started traveling to conventions in the first place, which is why the scrapbook eventually headed that direction I suppose. I decided why not devote a scrapbook to her and to closing the door on a friendship that suddenly, abruptly came to an end. Low and behold that mode of thinking landed me smack dab into the "daring to attempt scrapping" department.

I had found a purpose for the scrapbook. It would serve as a way to gain closure, a way to move on, move forward...take what I learned from that friendship and apply it then move onwards. You know that quote about friends? Some people come into our lives for a reason, others for a season, others a lifetime...well apparently this girl was one of those "reason" people. She came into my life at a time when I needed something, stuck around for a while then just disappeared. I did learn some things from her like how to be more care free. How to become more outgoing. I learned a lot about tennis (way more than I ever expected) because she played it and loved it and I learned a few other things, but she wasn't meant to be in my life for more than a few years and when that time was up she vanished without a trace.

I've only seen her twice since she abruptly vanished with no explanation or reason as to why our friendship ended and each time I glanced at her and just went on about my business wondering briefly how someone could so abruptly dismiss a person they claimed to be closest to without a second thought or glance. Then I shrugged my shoulders and went on about my business. I'm glad I don't see her often because it's just aggravating to see her and how she acts now verses then...and to even recall how badly she treated me on our very last trip together just pisses me off thoroughly so I rarely dredge such memories up...but she was a part of my life and I felt it only right to put into scrapping words and such to show how she affected it and such.

The Birth of a Scrapper

Okay so I know I said I was going to wait until the weekend to post some of the first scrapbook pages I ever created but then I got off line and started thinking. Next thing I know I'm scanning the first four pages with the intent to share here. Yeah that's me...a bit unpredictable at times indeed : )

So what got me into scrapbooking other than being shifted to night shift and despising working that particular shift? Well like I said earlier I had this idea, one that kind of formed in my head as tiny little grains of salt that soon grew larger and larger until I couldn't just ignore them anymore, couldn't blow them away like dust, couldn't sweep them under any rugs to hide them, couldn't even remove them from my brain because amongst those tiny little grains of salt was forming an idea, a thought, a possibility that I wanted to dare attempt but that literally scared the crap out of me. You know those doubts I spoke of earlier? Yeah those niggling little things that poke at your mind and at your self-esteem whispering negative little phrases in your ear while stirring little flecks of uncertainty within...? Yeah they were there in leaps and bounds but me I'm one who trudges on despite everything and so I dared to attempt scrapbooking. It proved quite the challenge but I took the initial step.

When I first started I wasn't even sure what exactly it was I wanted to do. I had a vague idea, a vague notion, a teeny plan emerging... I knew I wanted to do something with all the convention pics I took through the years. I knew I wanted to find some way to be able to display them all. I knew I wanted to make it interesting, something I'd return to again and again. I had the base idea. What I was left with after that? Where to go from there. How to breathe life into my basic ideas and how to make them merge and blend, bleed into something more. Thus I underwent a transformation in my thinking of sorts. I spent days toying with the idea, days thinking of how to do exactly what I wanted, days of fighting off the doubts, of ignoring those urges that said I was totally insane for even attempting such a feat. Eventually I came up with an idea, a beginning...a place to start.

The first page of my scrapbook oddly enough became Life Lessons...a list of little lessons I wanted to keep with me, of things I had learned, of things I needed to keep in mind when working with two very difficult people. My first page was created and I loved it...it also became the starter for my very first scrapbook.