Finding the Courage...

So as I mentioned previously I intend to start sharing images of my art journaling and stuff. The hold up? Right now other than a busy RL? Scanning the pages. It's on my list of things to do.

I've been wanting to art journal for years, even fiddled with it for a time. I didn't start literally keeping a more complete one until I purchased a moleskin journal over at Target. It was a little pricy but hey I've been wanting one for years so I caved and bought one. I've been working in it off and on. I've been doing some journaling, some painting, some sketching and even have just started working on collages in it. It's a slow going process but thus far it seems to be working out. Now to share it with everyone will be my next step.

I've fiddled a bit with several mediums and seem to be experimenting a bit more too, but I'm still slow to dive right in. I imagine others experience this same stall? Either that or I'm just plain unfocused and hitting more brick walls on the creative front. We shall see what results in the coming months.

Oh hey while I'm thinking of it: Happy Halloween everybody! :)

Minor Delays

So truth be told I do plan to start sharing art journal pages and the like, only I find I have a very difficult time actually sitting down and focusing on scanning the pages and actually typing entries. It's been a major stall for years with me and journaling: trying to make myself sit down and actually type out entries. Instead of doing that I get sidetracked by a million and one other things...one of the biggest being that damned Farmville on FB. I play it way too much and it takes up a large chunk of time. I'm trying to draw away from it due to that and sometimes I success, sometimes I don't. All I know is I'll go on it intending to only stay there a few minutes and next thing I know HOURS have gone by and I lost a crap load of time to that game. It's frustrating.

So I do intend to post stuff here as soon as I break myself of that stupid Farmville addiction thing-y.

In other news...

Searching for a community where I can share my works with fellow artists and we can chat back and forth, share ideas, thoughts etc on art in general. You know one of those communities where you can just talk in general about creating and the whole process, but it's got to be a site where we can all share our works, thoughts etc...just not sure if such a community exists. Perhaps I should create one such community but well time is not always on my side and I tend to get distracted by crazy things such as FB addiction. Not cool or good or anything.

A Delve into Altered Art

When I first started art journaling another factor that kept me shy of really starting was the fact that I have a very difficult time delving deep inside to pull out the stuff I've worked on years of healing and getting beyond. My childhood for the most part was good but I faced many a challenge through the years. When I started reading about altered art I decided why not use that as a way to start, I suppose dig, into things I don't normally think of. I decided to title my first attempt at altered art "Fragmented". Why that title? Because when I look back on my childhood, on the things I've faced and experienced I see a lot of fragments of who I was, who I am and who I want to be. I often describe myself as "layered" and that's because I truly am layered. There are layers to me no one's ever seen and there are layers everyone has. There are also layers that certain people and ONLY those certain people have seen as well. I'm layered. I'm complex. I'm full of contradictions. I'm full of dreams. I'm full of imagination and mystery. Some parts of me are so easy to understand while other parts...other parts no one sees, knows or understands. I'm layered with a capital "L".

It wasn't until I delved into the concepts, the ideas of altered art that I found myself able to express well some of that, the hidden layers, and perhaps that's why I stalled again because delving into hidden layers and exploring them in art is not as easy as you all may think. Oh no it takes time and patience and a willingness TO want to tackle it all and for me that's a little difficult. Why? Well you see I'm one of those people who keeps a lot hidden, and I do mean A LOT! I don't share a lot with others and those I do share stuff with have to be pretty damned close to me and have to have earned my trust. You won't get to the inner me by simply saying hi or hanging around me. No you have to work for it because well that's just me.

When I tackled this stuff, the inner me stuff, it didn't last long and now I'm finally getting back to it. I've shared pages from this particular altered book at 1001 Journals but no where else. If you read the passages on the pages, which I apologize may not be the easiest due to this being a digital photograph, then you can probably see the underlying purpose of this particular altered book. This one is one I like but that will take no doubt countless years to complete or progress in. Still I've done a little bit of work in it so that's a good thing :)

Early Attempt at Art Journaling

As you can tell when I first started art journaling I didn't really do a lot. I was a bit nervous, a bit anxious, a bit uncertain. I'd paint a page and then stare at it or I wouldn't paint the page at all just look at it over and over trying to decide what to put on it.

Years ago I joined an LJ (online journal) community titled "alternate_books". The purpose of this community was to make a journal and mail it around the world so that others could add to it. The first year or so was great I'd mail out journals and receive others journals in return. I'd add my artwork and mail them onwards, but soon journals I had signed up for would become "lost in transit" whether it was the original creator who decided never to mail it to begin with or if it were someone else who had kept it and not sent it onward or if the thing just simply got lost somewhere in the mail I didn't know. It saddened me. All these journals people had going missing and quite a few of my own as well. I pretty much gave up on that community and well so did most of the other members. The comm still exists but no one really does anything anymore.

I started working then on making my own journals and started reading up on altered art, but again I'd often (more often than not mind you) would find myself in a familiar dilemma: staring for endless hours at a blank page or paint a page and stare at it not wanting to "mar" the pretty colored page. Crazy I know but so true.

Soon I delved a little more, started writing in some of those journals though I didn't much care for my own handwriting. Added a drawing or sketch here or there and threw a date on it so I could remember when it was done.

More often than not a lot of my earlier work is very similar to the picture above. I drew this one for a journal titled "In the Wild". It was a journal that I created for a website titled 1001 Journals. Sadly this one like so many of my other started journals for communities such as this is now forever lost. Either someone kept it, the mail lost it or it got tossed in someone's box and they forgot to mail it back to me :(

Needless to say I've since grown a little cautious about such communities as this having added to tons of journals only to ever see one or two come back to me and one or two make it back to their original owners.

I still like the idea of the community I just have a very hard time with the loss of so many journals that it saddens me enough to only cooperate on the very fringes of the community...meaning I send journals to those I know who will return them and sign up for a few and that as they say is that.

Anyways I digress...

So when I first started art journaling I took pictures with a digital camera or the pages I did (the photo above was a digital camera) therefore lots of the early works I've done if shared here will most likely be taken with a digital camera and thus not the greatest. It was several years later that I started scanning my work so hopefully the overall quality of the pics will improve... :)

Anyways so now I'm working on my actual own art journal and finding it fun but challenging. I will share some of those pics here in the future for now I think I'll just start by sharing a few older works :)

And if I ever figure out how to add multiple pics to a post here I shall do so. As I mentioned above this journal page is from a journal titled "In the Wild". The main premise? To journal about animals: your favorite animal, anything related to animals. I have more pics of this particular journal of the front cover, inside covers and the rest of my journal as well as pics of pages of journaling from other artists. As I mentioned above though this journal ended up lost somewhere in Arizona and the person who had it never replied to any attempts at contacting so sadly the journal is probably forever lost :( That folks is the downfall of journal comms I fear.

Love is a Funny Thing

You know there's all kinds of love out there: love between friends, love between family, love between two people...there's true love and puppy love and even love at first sight. It's an interesting thing and something I sometimes think about. I have loved, love and been loved in return but I've never really been IN love. I've never found that "special someone". I was engaged once but it was more a friendship love than anything to me. I've wondered sometimes if I may have at one point met that "special someone" and due to circumstances or other factors never pursued it. I'll never really know if that's the case or not. All I know is I'm fine with not being "in love" with another.

Years ago I made that decision to stay single, never marry. When I was younger my dream was to get married and have two kids, you know the typical girl and boy both relatively close in age so hey could grow up together and always have each other, always be close, always be friends. I had envisioned some handsome prince would come along and sweep me off my feet. You know that fairy tale belief that each and everyone has a significant other, a soul mate out there longing to become as one. I'm not really sure what my thoughts are on the soul mate thing now. All I know is I'm happy being me, being single and doing my own thing. Weird though because sometimes I think of what will be left after I'm gone from this life. I love to write stories, journal, draw, make scrapbooks and tons of other things. I love to collect glass figurines of dragons and wolves. I love to travel around the world and collect key chains and postcard from every place I've been but in the end after I'm gone who will get all that stuff and really is it that much of a concern? There's really no one to pass stuff onto that will "carry on my legacy" so to speak and that does bother me at times, but again it's the choice I have made to not marry, not have children so really why does it matter?

Still I love to watch those old sappy romantic movies, get all excited when I see the stars meet one another and fall in love, cry eons of tears when the leading characters lose one another and find each other again. I guess I'm one of those old romantics at art. While in my mind I've decided, made the choice to remain single in my heart I love to see those romantic movies have a happy ending, so yeah guess I'm a romantic sap.

I just wonder though what draws one to another? What makes someone meet another and say "wow they're the one for me?"

Guess I'll never know the true answer to that question but it's fun to contemplate at times. Guess it comes down to just one true fact: love is mysterious and love is a truly funny thing...

Back in the Saddle

Yeah so I had an original purpose for this particular online journal and some where along the way lost it...or rather that thing called real life entered in and kind of took over. Well so in between real life, work, travel, finally finding and buying my own home and a sorted collection of other things I drifted, actually drifted from just about everything there for a time. My writing stalled, my art stalled, my internet surfing stalled...as a result a lot of my other things stalled. I created this journal with the purpose of using it to share my artwork, my art journaling, my photography and all that. I kind of had an epic fail with that I fear but now intend to remedy that.

Since settling into my new home and getting myself sort of back on track I've thus returned to some of those things that were "left by the wayside". I have recently started writing again. I have started settling down and relaxing more. My job seems a little calmer and I have again picked up a paintbrush and pencil.

The other day I bought a moleskin journal, been wanting one of those for ages and figured hey why not now? It's a bit expensive but it'll do. I've been reading more art journaling stuff, thinking more about life in general and brainstorming ideas for both stories and art. I plan to now, hopefully, make an attempt at using this journal for its original purpose: sharing my artwork, chatting about it and talking about life in general.

I actually have three online journals with even my main one having drifted to the wayside. One I share mainly my writings and fandom-y stuff, one is just there as a back up with hardly a thing in it and then there's this one. I still can't decided if I should just make my main journal and all inclusive or not. I don't know that remains to be debated...oh and I have a fourth journal that was supposed to replace my main one but never did so yeah lots of online stuff that hasn't seen the light of day in ages.

Still for now I think I'll stick with this being mainly for artsy stuff and who knows maybe eventually stuff contained on my main journal will end up here or vice versa. We shall see, for now though let's just call this all and experimental affair and leave it at that shall we?

For now I shall sign off but plan to work on making updated posts of my older art journaling and my newer stuff and who knows perhaps THIS TIME I can stick with it. Keep your fingers crossed people! :)

Shore Leave 2010

Kevin Sorbo
Originally uploaded by Khonsus

This past weekend I went to Shore Leave with my best friend. Among the guests were Kevin Sorbo, Torri Higginson and Edward James Olmos to name a few. If you're interested in seeing the pictures feel free to journey into my flickr account a have a look! :)

Just what is it about Conventions anyways?

Joe Flanigan
Originally uploaded by Khonsus

Seriously this question was actually posed to me by Misha Collins in the autograph line at a Supernatural convention. I've been wanting to answer it and the selection of this particular photo will now help me to provide a better answer than I gave him that day. :)

First for a little aside:

Seriously I made a decision when I first started this blog that there would be limited fandom-y stuff contained in it, but my favorite photo for the week of November 1-7 over at Flickr is this one. In my defense: lets be real here for a moment... How can I have a blog focused solely on my own personal life and not include a single picture from a convention? It would be...in bad taste I suppose? And just why is that? Well because conventions are a bigger part of my life than some even realize.

And now onto the answer (or an attempted answer maybe?) to the above posed question...

For starters I've been going to conventions since 1997. Yes that means I've been going to conventions for over ten years now. Most of those years I've attended more than one convention. Why did I start? Well for one I wanted to meet actors and actresses of my favorite shows. I wanted to hear their stories. I've always wanted to hear their stories. I would love simply just to sit down with one of them and ask them about their life and their life experiences, about their travels, about what led them on their path to becoming an actor/actress and just simply to talk to them one human being to another. I find people fascinating and their life stories even more fascinating. I LOVE hearing about other people's lives and think it would be neat to hear about some of theirs.

What other reason would I want to attend these conventions and so many at that? Because of the fans...the eons of fans who for one whole weekend can feel at ease among tons of like minded individuals. You would not believe the diversity of people that attend these things. The age ranges are from infant all the way to eighty years old and beyond. I kid you not...and the fans of these shows? Well they are a mix of people from all over the globe, all walks of life... Some people fly thousands of miles just to spend a weekend attending one of these things, and most I believe have the times of their lives.

The lure for so many? Well I think a big one is that we all have the interest in common. We're all fans and this is the ONE place that we can all merge, blend and be fans. Here at a convention you won't get gawked at like you're weird. You don't have to keep quiet about being a fan, or feel odd when you say you've attended conventions in the past. You can enjoy your show and squee over it, chat until you're blue in the face about it and not worry or feel awkward. You can spend hours chatting about favorite episodes and no one will get bored. You can chat incessantly about fan fiction and all or most know EXACTLY what you're talking about.

Another positive? You get to meet so many people from all over the world. Now tell me where in the world are you ever going to get that? They are all there for the same reason. You can meet up with long time friends, make new friends, squee to your heart's content excited about how you just finished your photo op with this person or that. You can openly express how it felt to meet this person or that. You can dress up in costumes you made or others have made and parade around the whole weekend in them if you'd like... You can be absorbed by fandom-y stuff and no one would look at you cross... There's just so much that I can't really explain. You almost have to experience it for yourself.

So why do I attend so many conventions and for so many different shows? Originally it was just to meet the actors and actresses. Now it's to meet up with old friends, make new ones, listen to other people's stories of how they met this person or that, travel and see a place I might never have seen otherwise.

I like to go to conventions because they are fun and though a lot of actors/actresses I've seen repeatedly most of them are so interesting that I want to see them again and again. It's almost like a reunion of sorts. You start recognizing other fans and they start to recognize you. Some of the actors/actresses even become familiar with some of the fans... It's like a big friendly meet up of people who haven't seen each other in a year and are all coming together for a weekend of fun and excitement.

So now that I've at least attempted to answer the above posed question onto the next: why out of all the photos uploaded between November 1 and 7 to Flickr did I choose this one?

Mainly because I LOVE the way Joe's holding his head and the expression on his face. To me it says so much in a simple gesture and that's what makes this photo so special to me. :)

Holidays and Romantic Comedies

Flowers at the Garfield Conservatory
Originally uploaded by Khonsus

Every year around this time I get the urge to watch all those old smoochy romantic comedies. I don't know why, but it always happens. I guess I just want to give myself a good cry for the holidays or something. :)

I usually start with "Sleepless in Seattle" and then progress to "You've Got Mail", "While You Were Sleeping" and so on. I, there's something about the holidays that put me in the mood for a good cry and a warm fuzzy feeling when things work out at the end.

I'm not one for holidays. When I was a kid I LOVED Christmas. It was my favorite holiday of the year. My family would always have this routine we'd do every Christmas. My brother and I would get up WAY before my parents and rush downstairs oohing and ahhing at all the prettily wrapped packages under the Christmas tree. Usually we were visited by the cat or dog...they'd be quite content roaming around the gifts looking for hiding spots or racing to get that special little bone or toy my mom would get for them and place under the tree right beside our stockings. My brother and I would sit there and laugh and talk quietly digging through our stockings the whole time waiting anxiously for mom and dad to come downstairs and join us. Back then Christmas was special...through the years I guess with age it no longer seemed as fun to open all those Christmas gifts...that little warm fuzzy feeling you get when you open a gift trying to figure out what's inside kind of dulls with the years. I always blamed that on being older, more mature...growing up. Still Christmas was a fun time of the year but then it stopped being so fun. Why? Well I blame it totally on the commercialization of the holiday. The retailers and the higher ups made the holiday more about buying the most expensive gifts and less about spending time with family. What do I enjoy most about Christmas now? Spending time with my family...granted my parents no longer share the same home, but when I leave work on Christmas Eve I literally RACE to my mom's house to spend Christmas with her and her husband. It's a bonus if my brother is there...usually he leaves earlier though due to having his own little celebration, but I still love going over there and eating a meal, talking with my mom and Matt, exchanging gifts, hearing stories...and then on Christmas day I get to look forward to spending time with my dad. He makes a small meal, my brother will usually come up. We exchange a few gifts and talk a bit. I kinda, sort of get two Christmas' really and I get to spend it with those I love.

So while I no longer get overly excited about all the gifts I do get excited and am happy and glad I get to spend time with the people who mean the most to me. Sadly I don't spend as much time with them as I used to, but those times I do...I cherish every single one of them.

So bringing this chat back to the original topic at hand...why do I like to watch those old romantic comedies around the holidays? I think it's because they remind me of how lucky I am, of how there's still magic out there, that everything will work itself out. Most importantly those kinds of movies make me remember all the good times, all the sad times, all the wonderful memories and they remind me of just how lucky I am to have it all.

Okay so maybe I'm a romantic at heart, but in the end I think those movies make me remember and that is something I revel in. :)

Mungalli Falls

Mungalli Falls
Originally uploaded by Khonsus

The Mungalli Falls are in Queensland, Australia. They're on a trail/route/circuit commonly called "The Waterfall Circuit". Why's it called that? Well because it's a roundabout route that you can drive that takes you to various different waterfalls in the area of Atherton Tablelands. Some of the waterfalls on the circuit are relatively close to one another while others are quite a drive. When I heard about the waterfall circuit I planned to take a day just to drive around and see them.

I followed signs that directed you to each different set of waterfalls along the circuit and when I stumbled across these I turned onto a road that took me to a gravel parking lot. I looked around and didn't see any falls, but near the lot was a posted sign labeling the trail to the falls. Smiling I grabbed my camera and headed in that general direction. I meandered through some trees and grassy areas before coming to a set of almost spiral stone stairs leading downwards. As I descended them I could hear the rushing of water getting louder and louder. Once to the bottom of the steps I looked up and was awed by this particular sight. Beautiful waterfalls that roared with life and flowed into a meandering stream. I wanted to get a picture of the entire set of falls so carefully I eased onto some of the more slippery rocks to get both a closer look and a better view of the falls overall. I took several pictures of the falls and was amazed by their beauty.

Seeing these magnificent waterfalls in the heart of Queensland reminded me of how beautiful the whole area is. Someday I would love to return here but that may never be. At least I had a few weeks in "paradise" and a lifetime of memories to accompany me. Who could ever ask for more? :D